


Cat And Mouse

by Butterfrogmantis



Category: Les Schtroumpfs | The Smurfs
Genre: Alcohol, Gun Violence, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Organized Crime, References to Drugs, Suggestive Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:35:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28632603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Butterfrogmantis/pseuds/Butterfrogmantis
Summary: After playing a game of cat and mouse all summer, Somebody finds himself playing mouse when he's captured by criminal organisations with plans to use him as a sacrificial warning. His life may very well depend on the feelings of criminal hotshot Don Smurfo, who he'd had an unconventional relationship with in the past year. But the boss can't exactly blow his cover either, or they'll be more than just one person's life at stake ...
Relationships: Don Schtroumpfo | Don Smurfo/Le Schtroumpf Quelqu'un | Somebody Smurf, Schtroumpf Coquet | Vanity Smurf/Schtroumpf Grognon | Grouchy Smurf
Kudos: 2





	Cat And Mouse

**Author's Note:**

> This work is loosely based on a couple of Smurf characters - humanised versions and it's very much set in a Crime!AU. Warnings for a couple of slightly more mature themes but nothing actually explicit. 15+?

“Wait until the don’s get a load of this”

“Pft, I’ve seen fiercer men than those in a theatre entrance”

“Keep laughing agent; it may be the last thing you do”

Agent Somebody bit tongue, glaring at the men from across the table. He knew how to play this game, he’d done it before. Rile them up enough that they know you aren’t scared of them, but not so much that they turn violent. It was a difficult game, each man had his individual temper after all, but he wasn’t the top agent in his field for nothing. No, these were easy pickings. The dons? Could be a different story. If they were anything like Somebody expected then he would have to play his cards just right. Assuming they gave him enough time to play, that is.

The communicator that was sitting on the kidnappers table gave a sharp buzz, and one of the men leant over to speak into it with a press on the button.

“We got him, send them through”

The line went silent and Somebody could hear the sound of footsteps echoing down the hall. Hm, three sets if he was right in assuming. His training had taught him to differentiate between them, useful in most situations. One set was heavy and purposeful, the owner clearly walked with a brash stride of confidence in his step, Somebody guessed it was a rather large figure. The second set was quick and light, distinguishable from the other two for being quieter, almost stealthy if it wasn’t for the polished floor of the hallway. The third was weighted but not heavy, it sounded as confident as the first but with a little spring in the step too. The agent had actually heard footsteps like these third party’s before, in fact he was very used the sound, having spent all summer escorting-

The door creaked open, and the owners of the footsteps walked into the room. Somebody was bursting with curiosity, but he dared not turn around, choosing to keep his eyes fixed on the edge of the desk so as to avoid making any unnecessary movements.

“Well, well, well. I had my doubts fellas” A gruff voice came from the back of the room, accompanied by a sharp sound like two palms slapping together. “But that’s got to be him alright, trade mark agent”

The heavy man slowly circled the chair, staring at the captive under the rim of a dark hat. Somebody saw a vertical scar that descended down his left cheek.

“Thought ya could give my men the slip on the ol’ snowflake operation huh? Yeah, that’s right, I remember you, agent.”

Once more, the captive said nothing. He wasn’t going to give in to scare tactics that was for sure. He’d run out a large, illegal drug operation down the south of the city eight months ago, so that’s what he assumed the boss was talking about.

The quick footed steps caught up to the tall figure and Somebody saw a much shorter fellow with a comically large cigar squinting at him.

“Doesn’t look like much to me. But if this is the same guy that took down your coke scheme I’d be willing to bet he’s the same one that shut down my casinos last year”

The heavy man looked up again, pointedly addressing someone at the back of the room.

“What do you make of it, Don? I heard from the boys this guy gave you the cuff all summer”

The third man circled the room at a leisurely pace, and the agent allowed himself a quick glance. His heart skipped a beat inside his chest but he masked his expression well. Oh yes. Or rather; oh no. He’d been right. The third don was none other than Don Smurfo, one of the most notorious criminals in the area. And one the Englishman had gotten over-involved with the last year, although he pushed these thoughts aside for now. He couldn’t give anything away or he’d put himself in greater danger.

“We were … acquainted for a short time, yes” The olive-skinned man said calmly, his cool grey eyes fixed on the captive, although his face made no immediate indication of his true thoughts.

“Heh, I bet you’re the happiest of all of us to see him then” The short guy snickered “Just think, with him out of the way, I can start building my gambling sites again. I say we waste no time – we’ve got him here haven’t we?” He stepped forwards but Don Smurfo put an arm out to block him. The other seemed rather surprised.

“What’s wrong, Don? This guy nearly ruined your operations and slaughtered ours! Don’t you want to settle this now?”

“Not with haste, no” Don purred a little, his eyes never moving from the agent. Somebody was uncomfortably aware of this but still didn’t want to blow his cover. “Haste makes waste after all.” The Italian continued “You’ve-a managed to capture the services most valuable source of information. If-a you stopped to think for two minutes you’d realise he’s worth way more alive than dead”

“I- I didn’t think of it that way” The short man blinked, stepping back.

“And that’s why you’re not as great a don as Don, idiot” The heavier one clapped him around the back of the head. “He thinks these things through, smart like”

Don Smurfo didn’t say anything to that but it was clear he was thinking hard. In spite of himself, Somebody couldn’t help but wonder if Don had shaken the other two off on purpose, perhaps to protect him? It was a long shot, Somebody could never truly be sure of the boss’s intentions of course but in the back of his mind and depths of his heart he truly hoped that was part of the reason.

The two had first encountered each other face to face when Somebody was apprehended by an ambush from Don Smurfo’s own cronies. Before that they were simply on the trail of each other. Somebody had gotten a tip-off about where to ask for information – a notable old flame of the boss had returned to town for a while and was willing to talk. Alas, Somebody hadn’t counted on back up when he tracked the location – something he knew now he should have been mindful of. Despite thinking it would be the end of his career (or possibly his life) Somebody had been quite surprised meeting the don for the first time. He’d very much come to expect something typical out of these criminals – power hungry men and sometimes women that wanted something out of life. Control, fame, money, drugs – Somebody had encountered it all. Don Smurfo’s gang had been known for some illicit activities with money fraud and blackmail. Not quite as black market as some of the agent’s other cases, yet Don Smurfo’s empire had much greater success and wider expansion, meaning it therefore was harder to follow the direct trail of.

Somebody had also known plenty of these lawbreakers to be blood thirsty. In some sense they had to be in order to control the masses with fear. Dying at the hands of revered Don Smurfo would have seemed like a noble cause in retrospect. But the don did not kill him, rather, he had sent him to an isolated part of the hide out. As the days went on, Somebody found himself almost comfortable in his prison. He was given a decent enough room, and Don’s minions always brought enough food and drink and he even had walking space outside in the corridor. No, the real trouble had started the night he encountered the don alone.

It had been a couple of weeks in the facility and the agent had yet to find an escape route. He already suspected his situation was one of ransom, or to psychologically torture him, and if that was the case he was certainly beginning to crack. He was pacing the corridor one night when he noticed a light coming from the end of the hallway. The doors in the corridor were often locked at night, so curiosity had gotten the better of the agent in the end and he stole along the hall in search of the source. The building was old or perhaps intentionally made to be loud because he’d heard a steely voice question his identity. When Somebody gave it, the voice told him to enter, and he cautiously did so.

Seeing the don alone was only part of the surprise – he’d have assumed he would be in a totally isolated part of the building, but looking around at the room which was laid out not like a business office but rather a recreational one, Somebody understood the reason his prison was so comfortable – this part of the facility was obviously isolated to Don alone, which is also why it was extra guarded at all times and by extension, the reason Somebody couldn’t find an escape route.

The larger part of his surprise, however, was the don himself. Rather than his well fitted suit and tall ponytail, the Italian was relaxed this evening, with only a pair of grey sweatpants and slippers. His hair was also free of the scrunchie, tumbling around his broad shoulders in thick black locks. And as for the rest of him, well … toned was how Somebody would describe it. The agent had never had such issues before – most of the felons he was in charge of tracking down had been too evil or too hardened by the years, and he was there to do his job. A handful had been women too, and Somebody wasn’t personally attracted to those non-criminal or otherwise. But Don Smurfo was different to all of these – he was the same age as the agent near enough – much younger than most dons. He shouldn’t have thought it but … he was handsome. In fact, really quite attractive and in spite of himself Somebody was quite attracted _to_ him. 

“Ah, agent, up late? Step in. I’ve-a been meaning to speak to you about our little … deal”

He wasn’t sure what the boss meant, but Somebody stepped inside anyway, unable to look away from his rival.

“No need to look so frightened, I’m unarmed” The boss smiled, and the agent merely nodded in return, before coughing to bring himself back to his senses.

“W-what deal? You said … you said we had a deal”

“Ah, sì. Well” The don picked up a glass of wine that was sitting on his desk and took a sip. “It-a can’t have escaped your notice that you are … how should we say? Technically a prisoner here”

“I- I noticed” Somebody frowned, trying to sound stern.

“Hm, I like your fire, agent. But in-a case you haven’t noticed, you’re also not dead. It may surprise you but” the Italian shrugged “I don’t-a like violence as much as you may think” He took another sip of his wine “So I would prefer to strike a deal with you personally”

“What are you terms?”

“Ah, wait a moment” The don pulled a slip of paper out of his desk drawer “I’ve-a been collecting ransom for your capture but we both know if I don’t adhere to the terms the authorities will swoop like hawks on me. But my men don’t exactly want you around spoiling their operations either, so” He finished his wine and set the glass down “I can-a arrange a safe escape for you, but my men will not hesitate to pounce on you again should you show up too early. I will call off my operations for a while, but I ask that you do not-a interfere for a while either”  
  
“You’re asking me to … not do my job? That’s your deal?”

“I’m-a asking you to not shed unnecessary blood” The boss locked eyes with his prisoner, cool grey eyes that showed no hesitation about his request. “Such is business. I will give you a week, agent. If you insist on carrying on the mission, so be it – but it’ll be your funeral I read about in the news column.”

It wasn’t an ideal situation of course, but Somebody didn’t see how he had much choice. A week wasn’t going to be much – he had to consider whether this would put his job on the line too. But even as he tried to sleep that night, his thoughts about the decision were overtaken with the memory of Don Smurfo’s image.

It was back to sharp suits and tied up hair the next day the agent noticed with admittedly a small amount of disappointment. He’d rather liked the soft look from the night before, it was somehow more intimate and he felt as though he had seen another side to the boss, one he wanted to find out more about but was unsure of how to go about it. He spoke civilly to the boss if he saw him in the hall that week but said no more.

The night before his release, Don Smurfo came to see the agent alone. Somebody was caught off guard by the Italian being dressed down again, and almost choked on the water he’d been about to take a sip of.

“Don’t-a worry agent, I was just coming to ask if you’d thought about the deal”

“I-I have” Somebody’s teeth chattered against the glass so he set it aside. “I-I’ll agree. For now. I have a job to do mind you but … if it ensures my safety for the time being we’ll call it truce”

“Hm, smart move” Don’s lip twitched and he leant against the wall, looking at the other man with interest. “If- if-a you don’t mind … I know it’s not an average situation but, I wanted to know – why did you become an agent? It seems a little dangerous, no?”

Somebody blinked; it was a personal question and not one he expected of his capturer. But it was harmless enough on the surface.

“Well” He shifted uneasily on his bed “Justice I suppose. I wanted to see some good in the world, taking down-” He gulped, but the Italian merely smiled.

“Taking down people like me, sì?”

The agent didn’t respond for a while, and the boss was about to leave him be.

“W-why did you become a … a don?”

Don Smurfo paused, halfway out of the door. He’d never actually told anyone the story but he didn’t see the harm in it – besides in an odd little way he quite liked the agent. He had been so used to grovelers for so many years that having someone around with a little fire in his belly made for a pleasant change. Don could snap his fingers and summon over a hundred people to his side in a second, willing to obey his every command and whim. It felt too robotic to him. Useful, for sure, but he missed having a genuine connection to people. Somebody was … a fresh perspective. And quite handsome too – Don could also summon a number of countless beautiful women and handsome men to his side if he wanted attractive company but they felt as robotic as his minions. They didn’t crave him or his company, only what he could do for them. Somebody had no such obligation and chipping through to the real person was proving a fun challenge.

“Hm, mine is a … unique case” Don strolled over and sat on the bed beside Somebody, who tensed up. “Most dons are born into it of course. Well, as for me, it was-a more like something I fell into. My father was a good man, agent, he taught me well but … he was a powerful man too, politically and socially. Some people didn’t like that and he was killed when I was 17. I was-a young and foolish and sought out revenge for him – my mother died when I was a baby so he was all I had growing up and I felt at the time it was the right thing to do. Well, they did what I asked but in return I was indebted to them, I had-a no choice but to join the organisation. As I worked up the ranks, I saw the dons start to falter, saw all of-a the mistakes they made and I learnt from them. It didn’t take too long for me to climb the ladder in the facility. I was the youngest don they’d seen but I was in charge and they knew it. It was much preferable to being the little runner boy at the bottom of the rungs”

The agent said nothing as he took in the information. Part of him felt somewhat bad for the boss but he was also somewhat touched Don had volunteered the information so easily.

“Huh, guess there wasn’t a lot of choice hm?”

“Not so much” Don shrugged, turning to look at the other “I know what you probably think of me agent; I’m-a just another petty criminal. A statistic to you. But we have our own stories to share”

“I recognise that” Somebody tucked a lock of his hair behind his ear nervously “But still, it’s my job. I don’t want people to get hurt”

Don looked down for a moment.

“Believe it or not, me neither. I do not-a enjoy the violent side to things. But it’s not like I can just step down either – even if the authorities let me go there would be other gangs after me. I can only stay in this position or risk more people being hurt, at least if I stay where I am now I control the treatment of prisoners” He pointedly gestured around the room “I could-a step down, but who knows what would have-a happened to you if someone else was don here”

“That’s … one way to put it” Somebody nodded, fiddling with the edge of the bed sheet. He’d mostly relaxed by now and was very aware of Don’s proximity to him. His shape and warm olive skin was illuminated softly in the lamp light, as well as individual black curls that strayed from his hair. “I guess there’s never a dull moment around here at least?”

“No, sometimes I get to talk to you” Don smiled – it was a genuine one. Not something sarcastic or cocky, but warm and just a little personal.

And then … Somebody’s memory went a little fuzzy. Was there more talking after that? He wasn’t sure. The only memory he had that was clear at that point was the taste of Don Smurfo’s lips on his. Somewhere between the talking and the tension in the room, the Italian had seized the opportunity to kiss the agent. Somebody should have shaken him off then, assessed the situation properly and realised it was a bad idea. But … he didn’t. He absolutely didn’t – he had kissed back.

Whether it was the shock or his initial attraction to him he didn’t care at that point, he knew the feeling – whatever it was, was mutual. Somebody decided to just focus on the person rather than the morals of the situation. He remembered the way the Italian had smelt slightly like fruits and parchment, an unusual combination but a pleasant one; almost homely. He could still feel the way Don’s hands slid down his back, the feeling of his black curls interwoven between Somebody’s fingers and the sensation of Don’s lips pressed against his bare skin, purring sweet words in a language he didn’t understand. In the morning, as he took the black car to the safe side of the city, he thought to himself that if he told his manager’s what had really happened, he’d most certainly have been fired. And yet that hadn’t stopped him at the time.

“I say we try waterboarding, that usually gets em to talk”

Somebody was alerted back to the present by the voice of the gruffer don.

“An interesting suggestion, Tony” The shorter man was shuffling from foot to foot, eager to start the interrogation “But I say we get straight too it, they don’t call me Carlo The Cruel for nothing ya know” He grinned, a malicious glint sparking up in his eyes.

The agent kept his mouth shut, glaring at them with what he hoped was a look of resilience.

“What you think, Don?” Tony huffed, looking back up at the third man who had now crossed the room and was staring out of the window.

The man looked back to his accomplices, and then to the agent, before turning to stare back out of the glass.

“I don’t enjoy seeing violence” he muttered.

The other two dons looked at each other curiously but shrugged, it wasn’t their place to question the most powerful peer among them.

“Should we set up the interrogation room?” One of the lackey’s piped up from his corner of the room and Carlo waved a hand for the go ahead. He leant forwards, placing his hands on either side of the chair Somebody was bound too.

“You might as well give up the government secrets now, agent, unless you want it to get ugly”

The Englishman had to admit a slight twinge of fear ran up his spine, but he was braver than that, and his code of conduct specifically called for him to never give this information, even with his life.

“I’d like to see you try” He growled.

“Oh believe me, I’ll take great pleasure from it” Carlo smirked sadistically, straightening up. “It’s almost a shame though, you have quite the pretty face, agent. If we weren’t in this particular situation I might suggest you join me”

Only Somebody noticed Don looked up at that point, but he said nothing, settling for a continued glare at the others. No, one thing was for sure, they weren’t going to break his spirit.

“The room’s ready, sirs” The lackey poked his head round the door “For the … questioning”

“Excellent, I’ve been dying to get my hands on these government secrets – sure you won’t help, Don?”

The Italian shook his head but did not turn around.

“I will … catch up with your findings later”

“Suit yourself” Carlo shrugged, gesturing at Tony to move the chair. “I’m sure he’ll have interesting things to say”

Don continued to stare out of the window, trying his best to ignore the sounds of struggling from behind him. It was one of the most morally challenging situations he’d been in for a long time – personally anyway. Despite being the don of his operation he very rarely had to actually deal with matters regarding saboteurs – his lower ranks would usually take care of those themselves. He hadn’t lied before – he was simply a guy stuck in a situation he didn’t exactly want to be in but couldn’t get out of either. The situation would have been difficult enough with a random hostage, Don had to keep his imposing credence to the other two or risk having his life put in danger himself. But the fact they’d captured Agent Somebody meant that Don felt a personal twinge of guilt. He liked the agent, whether he was ready to admit it or not. Not just in the shallow way he suspected Somebody thought. No, this went deeper than that.

Don Smurfo was relaxing in the library that evening by the time the other two dons returned. He felt himself tense a little as they walked in but he masked it well, pretending to be deeply engrossed with his book.

“Did you-a find anything?” He asked, keeping his eyes fixed on the page although they didn’t move.

“Not bloody likely” Carlo huffed, sounding rather pissed. “I’ve heard of tough nuts to crack but that little fucker’s strong as steel”

Don raised an eyebrow.

“No info given?”

“Not so much as a post code” Tony confirmed, sitting down in a nearby chair and loosening his tie.

“Where is he now?”

“The Agent? We left him in there, Carlo thought it might get him to talk in the morning”

“Did you at least do the medical and room transfer?”

“Whatever for?”

Don sighed and set his book down to one side and began to gather himself.

“I-a told you earlier, if you want information out of him you have to keep him ALIVE, that includes not leaving him to die of infection” He stated firmly, fetching a small medicine cabinet key off the hook and slamming the door behind him.

Tony and Carlo blinked in bewilderment at the door before turning back to face each other.

“That Don Smurfo sure is an odd one” Carlo muttered.

“Yes but he’s not top of his game for nothing” The other mused “I suppose we’d better listen to him for now”

Don Smurfo mentally prepared himself for the potential sights that awaited him before he entered the room. It wasn’t as bad as he feared, although Somebody’s head was lowered so he couldn’t see his face. He gathered his equipment tighter and walked over slowly.

“I told you, I’m not giving anything up for you” Somebody hissed, not looking up.

“And you don’t have to” Don said coolly, dropping the medical supplies on the floor next to him.

The agent did look up at that point, surprised to see him alone. Don winced to see a large purple mark across his right cheek and a cut above his eyebrow that was still bleeding slightly. He’d been right to bring the supplies then.

“W-what are you doing here with those?”

“Fixing you up for starters – did they break anything?”

“N-no. Just my spirit”

“Somehow I doubt even that” Don grimaced, pressing a cold cloth to the agent’s wound.

“Ah!”

“Sorry” He dabbed at it a few times, wiping away the red streaks from the agent’s blonde locks.

“W-why?”

“Because I don’t want to see you dead” Don said firmly “Hold on, I’ve-a got some antiseptic here, it might sting a bit”

Somebody bit his lip as Don gently applied the ointment, but he made no sound. He was surprised, he couldn’t deny that. Don was being almost professional at this moment but there was some definite tenderness to it.

“I think I’d be better off dead than giving in to them” He whispered after a while, looking down at the floor.

“And I wish you’d stayed away in the first place” The don crouched on his hindquarters, assessing the agent for any other visible marks. “I thought you were-a supposed to be the top agent for a reason, no?”

“Your cronies caught up to me once too remember, anyone can make a mistake – especially when thirty of them jump you in an alley”

Don sighed, running his fingers through his hair and tugging at his own pony slightly.

“I know I said I hoped our last meeting would-a not be our last ever, but I didn’t quite mean it like this, signore” He mumbled, stroking the backs of his palms.

Somebody turned his head then, somewhat stunned. Their last encounter had been the morning Don’s henchmen had bailed him from the apartment he was being held in as part of his arrest. Somebody had gone to fetch groceries and returned to a cheeky note from the Italian saying ‘See ya soon x’. He’d been a little amused at the time but also rather annoyed – he knew the upper officials would be on his ass later that day about losing such an important ward, and they had been. Torture; Somebody could bare. Being lectured by a bunch of inactive senior officials for 3 hours on a task they’d never done; he almost couldn’t. Still, he’d been in far too good of a mood at the time to care.

Since being bailed from Don’s facility, the agent had had minor run ins with the Italian boss a few different times, but it was never for too long. A passing glance, a momentary glimpse, and then they’d part ways. Until one day he got a tip off from another member about the don’s location. The authorities had been riled up for a while now and Somebody knew he was being recruited to swoop in and make the arrest, which he was able to do easily enough. When it came time to hand Don Smurfo over however, he’d had a slight change of heart, remembering how the Don protected him whilst he was in the facility and knowing the backstory – Don was not a bad person, and Somebody didn’t want to see him subjected to official custody out of pity. Instead, the agent had filed him under personal protection, meaning that whilst Don was still technically under arrest, the officials couldn’t actually touch him, although Somebody was supposed to escort him around and block contact with his accomplices. The officials had been unsure at first but Somebody was head agent after all and if he was sure of the situation he probably had good reason to, they were only a call away after all if anything went wrong.

Nothing did, at least for the first couple of days. Living with Don as his ward had been … interesting to say the least. Somebody found it was easier to act as though he’d never met the Italian before, remaining polite and courteous to him if the boss addressed him but remaining the image of professionalism that was expected of him despite the boss’s constant attempts to flirt with him. Don had been a little too comfortable settling in to Somebody’s place, snooping through drawers and commenting on Somebody’s photographs of him and his twin brother Vanity. Somebody had answered them on a surface level, a little embarrassed about his personal things being gone through.

On the fifth day of the custody, Somebody had been watching his favourite movie on the sofa when Don came and sat down beside him, but the Englishman paid no mind to him. He could tell Don was shirtless out of the corner of his eye, but he tried his best to act like he hadn’t noticed.

“How long is-a this going to go on for, signore?”

“I don’t know what you mean” The agent responded, keeping his eyes fixed on the screen.

“This acting like I don’t exist. Did-a you take me in to protect me or to make me feel guilty? You have strange motives, agent”

Somebody pursed his lips, still not looking at the other man.

“I took you in because I thought it was the right thing to do, it was a moral obligation”

“Hm, it wasn’t very moral of you to sleep with your legal opponent”

Somebody’s cheeks burnt red, illuminated by the blue light from the TV. He hadn’t expected Don to forget per say, but rather hoped it would be a secret they could each take to their graves. It wasn’t like he had a particularly good explanation either, no force or Stockholm syndrome that could have been diagnosed. Nope, it had all been on Somebody’s good conscience. Or perhaps bad conscience. Either way he knew that whilst he couldn’t exactly erase it, he’d just rather hoped to ignore it.

“That was a different situation and it was a mistake on my part. You’re under my legal guard at the moment so our relationship is merely … cordial. That’s how it’s staying”

“It’s not exactly fun though, is it, signore?” Don chuckled, laying a hand flirtatiously on the agent’s thigh. “What the big boss men up top don’t know won’t hurt them, hm?~”

“I have your file, Don. I know you’re good with the blackmail business but it won’t work with me” Somebody said sharply, standing up quickly. “I bid you goodnight”

Don rose to his feet quickly too, somewhat angered by the agent’s accusation. He slammed his hand to either side of the wall besides the shorter man, trapping him. Somebody tried to maintain a look of composure, but the proximity to the don was making him nervous, he didn’t want to get hurt.

“Do you remember that you are filed under MY protection? If I go missing the authorities will pick up on it very quickly, Mr.Smurfo, so before you do anything ra-”

He wasn’t able to finish his sentence as Don had taken the opportunity to kiss him. Somebody felt his eyes widen a little in surprise, but he was too caught off guard to react. He knew, logically, he should shove Don off and call for backup. But even as he instinctively reached for the alarm button, he knew he wouldn’t go through with it. Stupid sexy Don, he made Somebody’s job way harder than it needed to be. His only instruction was to keep Don out of trouble and he couldn’t even manage that right now.

Somebody’s arms faltered in their original goal and moved upwards to wrap themselves around Don Smurfo’s shoulder’s instead, pulling him closer as the agent kissed back. Sure, he would get in trouble if he was found out. But there was that lingering ‘if’ that kept him curious.

“Hm, where’s that your moral obligation of yours now, signore?” The Italian smirked, pressing a kiss to the side of the agent’s neck.

“Nng, fuck you” Somebody blushed darkly, ashamed at himself for haven given in so easily.

“If you insist” Don purred, pressing a second kiss lower down his throat, near the agent’s collarbone “But I thought the authorities wouldn’t like that~”

Somebody rolled his eyes, authorities be damned for now, Don was one hot catch and he wasn’t prepared to let him go just yet.

But as he lay awake in his own bed later that night, he wondered whether that was the only reason. He thought Don was attractive for sure, that was painfully obvious. But attractiveness alone shouldn’t have been enough to break down his defences so easily, he just didn’t know what else it could be.

He heard the Italian give a little sigh in his sleep as he turned over, and Somebody felt an arm wrap around his chest. Hm, it was almost cute at this point. He decided to leave the question for another day, lulled to sleep by the cosy afterglow and the soft tickle of Don’s breath on the back of his neck.

Don had been the first one to wake up the next morning, initially confused by the sea of gold that met his eyes until he realised it was Somebody’s hair. The agent had turned over at some point during the night and was now snuggled up to his chest. Don felt his cheeks flush a little, but he was rather fascinated too – Somebody always seemed so serious and driven when he was awake, it was part of the reason the Italian liked teasing him. But in his sleep the agent looked softer, more innocent. Don gently tucked a couple of the blonde locks behind Somebody’s ear, noting that the agent seemed to have a constant rosy glow on his cheeks. Urgh, what was he doing? The boss was here on arrest, he should be working out how to get out of this place, not cuddle up to his captor, what would his lackey’s think of him?

Don pulled away from the embrace, grabbing his clothes from the floor as he prepared to head to the shower. He made the mistake of looking back at the sleeping agent, who was now curled into his own pillow. There was something wholesome about it, and Don almost felt the urge to kiss him. Not the way he’d done the night before, that had been entirely different – Don wanted to kiss him softly, to see the agent smile at his touch. But he didn’t, that would have been too affectionate for him, something reserved for a couple. And they were … Don wasn’t sure exactly what they were but it wasn’t that. But he was sure he couldn’t let his feelings get in the way of doing his job, and he knew Somebody couldn’t take the risk either. He sighed and went to shower, and when Somebody woke a few minutes later, he’d been disappointed to see the bed empty.

The whole summer had been much the same after that, whilst Somebody tried his hardest to stick to job and give honest updates to the officials, he and Don had definitely begun to get closer over the weeks, starting to trade secrets and life stories and more often than not they’d end up waking up together despite Don technically having his own allocated room and bed as per requirement. It had even started to become a little bit of a running game for them, with Somebody initiating at least half the time – he’d never felt so … alive, in all of his years on the job. Don made him laugh too, made him see the world and its issues from another perspective, and even taught him to cook pasta ‘the right way’. When Don’s minions had finally tracked down his location and rescued him, it had been like Somebody’s newly discovered world had been torn away. He just couldn’t enjoy his day to day life the same way – even his favourite movie only brought back memories of the couch cuddles. There hadn’t been any mention of the L word between them, and certainly no confirmation they even felt anything other than a mutual connection but Somebody knew, knew with every fibre of his being that he just wasn’t the same without Don. He’d begun to deteriorate without the familiarity, so much so that his brother had noticed a shocking change when he went to visit him at the diner.

“Oh dear, Somebody, you look terrible, sweetie”

“Yeah gee … thanks” The other muttered, sipping on his water “And you look as underdressed as ever”

Vanity’s lip twitched into a brief smile. He hadn’t had the chance to dress formally before his twin arrived so he was still in the performer outfit he used to serenade diners at the Lavender Room restaurant with.

“Can I get you something else to drink?”

“No thanks I – I had rather a lot last night. This water will do fine”

Somebody ran his hand through his hair, staring at his reflection on the surface of his glass. He’d been drinking himself to sleep for the past couple of nights, the alcohol compensated for some kind of emotional warmth at least but it didn’t feel great in the morning.

“Hm, well if you’re really not feeling well, don’t forget I’m only a call away. Oh, and by the way” Vanity leant across the table, lowering his voice so the other patrons couldn’t hear “I forgot to tell you an interesting little story – a couple nights ago. We hosted an infamous branch – local criminals”

Somebody almost spat out his water, but composed himself enough to whisper back so as not to panic the other diners.

“W-what do you mean the Lavender Room hosted a criminal group?!”

Vanity sat back in his chair, looking rather unfazed.

“Tsk, save the worry. It wasn’t anything to call home about. Just some guy with a pony – Dom, I think, something like that. Kept trying to pull me into the back room to ‘talk’ but I told him I wasn’t THAT kind of entertainer. Weird dude, kept talking like he knew me – had to show him my ID to get him to back off and prove he’s never met me, why?”

Somebody continued to stare at his glass, gripping the edges so hard that his knuckles became white and he felt a slight tremble over take him. Don had been at the Lavender Room. He’d seen Somebody’s photos of the two in the apartment, so Somebody wasn’t sure if he’d mistaken Vanity for him or just wanted to talk about him, either was possible. 

“What else did he want?” He asked quietly, not looking up.

“Dinner, why? If he’d been an issue I would have told someone to call you, but I thought it best not to alarm the other diners or cause a scene when they weren’t actually doing anything bad there – good money too, gave me a generous tip, might have been laundered for sure but I never complain about a pay check.”

“Hm” Somebody finished his glass, a thousand thoughts swirling about in his mind. There were too many to focus on and at any rate he was still slightly hungover. Parts of him felt sad and others angry – he longed to see Don again but in this state he wasn’t getting anywhere. A small droplet felt onto his napkin, only for the agent to realise he was crying. His brother noticed too.

“Somebody? Are you alri- come with me” Vanity gently helped him to his feet, guiding him to the backstage area away from the public eye. He fetched a warm cloth and gently held it against Somebody’s face, drying his eyes before giving him a one armed hug, which the agent was grateful for.

“You really don’t seem yourself, something bad happened?”

“Something like that … yeah, I guess.”

“Bad work case?”

“No”

“Breakup?”

Somebody squirmed uncomfortably.

“Not … exactly. Well, kind of, oh I don’t know” He welled up again and his twin offered him the cloth once more.

“Hm, well, I’ve been there before- but don’t worry I know just what you need! I’ll give you a free pass to the Lavender Room tonight, don’t worry I’ll let them know it’s on me, get yourself real dressed up and hit the town, there’s plenty of hot shots in here every night – just stay away from the journalist sitting on table 12 out there, I call dibs”

Somebody glanced through the window to see a man hunched over his lunch food scribbling away notes on a pad.

“Him?” The agent blinked “He looks a little bit … grouchy”

“Oh, he is” Vanity laughed, and Somebody found himself joining in.

Somebody took his brother’s advice that night, and by 10pm had started to feel more like his old self. There was an extra spring in his step, and he felt a certain amount of confidence in himself. He wasn’t going to let the summer with Don drag down his future – he cleaned up his act and apartment the same night, and helped wingman for his brother, who looked quite happy to go arm and arm with the grouchy reporter he’d seen earlier. He felt pleased for his twin but a slight twinge of sadness caught him too, so he decided his next step was to get out on the local pool as Vanity had suggested. After a night of swiping lefts and rights with a glass of red wine in hand (just the one) he’d bitten the bullet and met up with a local man at a coffee shop the next morning, and had begun an actual relationship.

It had seemed everything was going his way for a few weeks – the new guy was nice, not overly exciting but … nice, enough. They didn’t fight, the new guy didn’t tease him, he could cook well but … Somebody just found himself comparing everything to Don, even if he didn’t mean to. He sort of missed the way Don would constantly ask for pasta, or tease him gently, or the way he purred slightly when he said ‘signore’. He missed waking up to raven curls and the scars on Don’s back he’d asked about and Don had told the stories of. After a few months of Somebody feeling dull, he and the guy had agreed to split on mutual terms, and the agent was alone again. He wasn’t depressed anymore, Somebody had enough work to keep his mind occupied for the time being but even so he felt that something was constantly missing, and not even the rewards or congratulations from his agency made him feel any more accomplished but he kept doing them to distract himself. When he’d gotten a tip off to uncover some operation in the south of the city, he hadn’t thought a lot of it – not until he felt cold steel hit the back of his head and found himself locked in the facility he was in now.

He was brought back to his current state by the sound of Don packing up his equipment. It had been months now since Somebody had actually seen him last, but he still yearned for him.

“S-so what now? Do they just hurt me till I give in the information and then they kill me?”

Don pursed his lips, looking grave.

“I will not-a let them go that far. But you have to understand, these are not-a my friends. They’re not even business partners, we just have a supposed common goal. If they find out they can use you to hurt me, they will not-a hesitate to do so. I have a good enough reputation that they will trust my decisions for the time being, and I will-a do what I can to stall their other efforts. But in every other sense we’re fighting a losing battle”

“I- understand” Somebody hung his head.

“Sì, I wish it were not this way either” Don went behind the captive and untied him, allowing Somebody to stand, which he did so shakily. “Come signore, they have allocated a room.”

“I doubt its 5 stars” Somebody muttered darkly, wringing his wrists. He attempted to take a step forwards but his legs were weakened, and he almost fell if not for Don catching him.

“I doubt it too” The Italian smiled, trying to make light of the situation. “But it’s still better than in here” He wrapped his arm around the agent, allowing Somebody to lean against him for support as he relocated him but more or less ended up carrying him by the end, with Somebody nuzzling into his neck slightly as Don gently lowered him onto the iron bed of the room.

“Th-thanks” Somebody blushed, looking at the single gas lamp that was lighting his dingy prison.

Don made a small noise of acknowledgement, feeling disgusted with himself for the situation. He turned to go.

“D-Don?” He heard the agent call meekly.

  
“Sì, signore?”

“Will you come back … tomorrow?”

The Italian smiled softly, his heart melting a little at the agent’s request and he turned back.

“I will-a come back every night” He grinned, and the agent’s eyes lit up for a moment.

There was a lingering pause, just for a second, and Don leant down to kiss him. It wasn’t teasing, or even seductive as many of the others had been – it was soft, and told many things between them they would not have been able to do with words. Somebody’s fingers strayed into Don’s curls again, the way he loved and had missed doing, and the boss made sure to hold him gently so as not to hurt him any further. When they pulled away, they shared another small smile between them, a little secret they knew they’d keep. And then Somebody was alone in his room. It was cold and his body still ached from the cruelty he’d endured earlier – but he didn’t feel lonely, and even as he slept he could still smell a subtle trace of fresh parchment in the air. 

Don wondered over the next several days how to get the agent out. It would be far too suspicious if he just helped him escape, Somebody was under constant close supervision and him getting out wouldn’t look so accidental. He could tip off the authorities, but that was sure to make it look like they had a mole amongst them, the hideout was top secret and Don didn’t want to put the lackey’s on the line either, no matter how disgusted he was with them for capturing the agent in the first place. He had to be clever about this, but there was time for him to think later, the other dons had returned and it was his turn to grab the medical supplies.

“Eh, are you sure you don’t want me to do it tonight, Donny? You’ve been doing it every night – must be exhausting, that agent’s a spicy one”

“No thank you Carlo, I can-a handle him”

“You positive? Cause you never even get the fun of interrogation and just do the hard part”

Don’s lip twitched.

“I prefer to be diplomatic about these things”

And with that he turned and left. Carlo watched him leave, an eyebrow raised, before turning to his companion.

“There’s something off about that one, Tony, I can feel it” He slammed a fist into his palm “He spent the entire summer locked up with that law kisser and now he doesn’t even want to interrogate him? I’m tellin’ ya it’s just not right, not right at all”

“Maybe he just wants to keep his hands clean in case the authorities find us”

“Perhaps, but it still smells like a rat” Carlo stroked his chin thoughtfully “Suppose he’s trading info with the agent? Could be our necks on the line if we’re not careful”

Tony blinked worriedly.

“You mean you think he’s takin the info for himself?”

“Mm, yeah, could be. I think I’ll go and follow him – y’know, to see if he needs ‘help’” The short man unlocked the door with a click and pressed a finger to his lips as he stole into the corridor.

He tried to listen through the wall with a cup at first to avoid being spotted, but didn’t hear anything, so he grabbed a step stool from nearby and peered as surreptitiously as he could through the window pane in the door. He’d been expecting to see the two trading intelligence or perhaps Don conducting his own interrogation. He certainly hadn’t expected to see them … cuddling? Carlo moved away from the window, rubbing his eyes before he peered through again. But his eyes had not deceived him. The agent, now freshly bandaged, was sitting sideways on Don’s lap with his face pressed into the Italian’s neck. Don had his arms around the Englishman, one hand gently stroking the hair out of his face. Carlo watched as Don pressed a soft kiss to the other’s forehead and mumbled something he couldn’t hear. It was so tender there was no denying it or mistaking it for something else. No, Don was clearly infatuated with the agent, and vice versa. It explained a lot of the strange behaviour, that was for sure.

The short don backed away from the door, perplexed. You could have given him a million guesses as to Don’s motives and he wouldn’t have guessed that. And yet – ohh, and yet. A sinister grin curled the corners of Carlo’s mouth upwards. He thought they’d struck gold when they captured the agent but no, this, THIS, was platinum.

Tony looked up in surprise when Carlo entered, out of breath, and grinning like a maniac.

“Tony, my friend, you won’t believe what I’m about to tell you. Let’s just say … we may soon have Don Smurfo’s empire for ourselves”

Don awoke the next morning feeling rather neutral. He set about fixing himself a bowl of porridge, taming his hair into submission and brushing his teeth when he received a call from Carlo.

“Don, we need you in the intero room – it’s an emergency”

Don spat out his toothpaste and swallowed nervously. Had something happened? More importantly, had something happened to Somebody?

“I’ll-a be right there” He mumbled, wiping his face and quickly adjusting the buttons on his shirt.

When he entered the room, he saw Carlo and Tony standing either side of the agent, who was looking every bit as nervous as Don felt.

“You … called for me?”

“Ah, yes. We were going nowhere with the investigation see”

“I-I see.”

“Yes, we thought we could use a helping hand, since you wanted to stay out of it but …” Carlo smirked maliciously, grabbing Somebody’s chin roughly in one hand and forcing him to face Don. “I think we’ve been looking for the wrong thing”

Don felt a sharp knot in his stomach but he maintained his composure.

“Is that so?”

“I think you know better than we do, Donny boy. It’s not every day we find a don with such … delicious secrets.” The short man gave a barking laugh “But not that I blame you, he is quite a catch~” Carlo leered, forcing a deliberate kiss on the agent who writhed with displeasure.

Don took an automatic step forwards and Carlo held a finger out to halt him.

“Ah, ah, ah. We can be ‘diplomatic’ yes?” He grinned, pressing his face against Somebody’s, who was glaring at him with a look of burning hatred. “I mean, you wouldn’t want your little pet here to get hurt any more, hm? There’s no medical supplies in the cabinet for death”

Don’s fists clenched by his sides, but he took a step back.

“F-Fine. You’ve-a got me just … just don’t hurt him anymore, please”

“Mm, I think we can make a deal, hm, Tony?”

The larger man snickered in agreement, bringing out a roll of paper and a pen. Don recognized it as some sort of contract.

“If Mr.Agent over here gives over the information we want to know, we’ll let you go unharmed, Don. If you sign over the rights to your operations, we’ll let the agent go without any further harm. Deal?”

Don narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

“How can I-a trust you not to go back on your word?”

“We’re men of honour Don, you know that. Besides if you two hand over what we want there’s no need for violence”

“And if we refuse?” Somebody asked, squirming in his chair.

Carlo nodded at Tony, who brought out a gun from his side pocket.

“Then things get ugly”

Don gulped and nodded, seating himself slowly at the table in the room. Somebody looked distraught, and he couldn’t blame him, but Tony’s trigger finger looked confident and Don wasn’t prepared to call their bluff.

“I will-a … I will-a hand over the operations” Don sighed, taking the pen “If the money’s all you want you can-a have them”

“Mm, that and the unrivalled power” Carlo smirked, watching as Don wrote his signature on the designated spots. “Excellent! Now, if the agent will just hand over the information we’ve been seeking, we can round up this little shenanigan with a pretty bow, hm?”

Somebody blinked panicked. He knew the information would cause ruin in the city, but there also a new risk on top of it.

“I-I-”

“I mean you don’t HAVE to” Carlo smiled, swiping the papers from under Don’s hands “He’s already brought your freedom, say the word and we’ll let you go, right Tony?”

Tony grinned and pressed the barrel of the gun against Don’s temple.

“Your choice”

Somebody knew as well as Don did that they weren’t playing around. It was selfish of him, perhaps, reckless too. He could take any torture thrown at him and not give away the secrets but knowing he’d be responsible for Don’s death he’d never be able to forgive himself for.

“Y-you win” Somebody choked back tears “You win” He sobbed quietly “I’ll tell you anything just … let him go. Please.”

“Excellent!” Carlo clapped, and his accomplice lowered the gun. “Make sure to write this down”

“Motherfuckers” Somebody muttered, but he handed over the information anyway, hoping at the very least that it would be an end to the torment.

Once the deed was done, Carlo ordered Tony to cut the ropes from Somebody, and Don made no effort to hide his disgust at the other two as he walked over and helped him stand. Somebody held on to him gratefully, also not making any attempt to hide his shame or hatred.

“So, we can-a go now?” Don asked coldly “I have no more business here”

“Ahh yes, about that uh. When I said we were men of honour well – I lied. Kill em’ Tony”

Somebody gasped and Don put an arm around him instinctively.

“Why you two timing son of a bitch-”

Suddenly, there was an ear splitting crash as the window to their left exploded into a million shards. All four of them looked up in surprise as a dozen people in suits swarmed the premise in a matter of seconds. Through the confusion, Somebody noticed Tony raise his pistol once, and the sound of a shot rang out through the room, and Somebody was aware of the colour red – but it wasn’t his red. Don had been shot. He screamed, and someone grabbed him from behind. The agent struggled and fought, but he was still in a state of shock and weakness. He called out hoarsely for some answers, to see Don, to punch the two scumbags back into the hole they crawled out of- and then everything went black.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

“Urgh” Somebody rubbed his forehead, trying to sit up, but a sharp headache forced him down.

“You must rest, sir” He heard a firm yet kind female voice tell him. He opened his eyes and blinked a couple of times. He was in a large white room with curtains drawn around his bed. He was aware of the overpowering smell of disinfectant and squeaking along the floor, as well as the incessant beeping next to him. It was a heart monitor, and he was in a hospital bed. He shot up, not caring about the headache as the memories of the prior incident came flooding back to him.

“Sir I said you need to rest” The nurse exclaimed again, but the agent didn’t care.

“Where’s Don?!”

“Who?”

“Don – Don Smurfo. He was, he was-” Somebody swallowed the uncomfortable lump in his throat “He was with me and then they – they shot him! Where is he?”

“Sir I’ll have to ask you to calm down, you might distress the other patients”

“To hell with that, where is-”

“Excusa me, nurse, I think he’s-a looking for me”

Both of them turned to see a tall olive-skinned man standing a couple of feet away, his left arm bandaged in a sling. Somebody tried to get out of bed but the nurse pushed him down firmly.

“Itsa alright, I can sit” Don smiled, and went to sit on the bed next to the patient. “I’ll-a take care of him nurse, you can attend to other patients”

The nurse looked dubious, but obliged.

“H-how are you?” Somebody said at last, just pleased to see that he’d survived. He pressed his forehead against the others, unable to conceal a smile.

“Eh, it was a minor fracture, the bullet got my arm but wasn’t too deep” Don wiggled his bandaged limb gently. “I’ll live”

“Mm, I was afraid you wouldn’t” Somebody sighed “Do you know what happened?”

“Actually I do” The Italian grinned, nodding towards the curtain where the agent saw another familiar face.

“Vanity!”

“It’s me little bro”

“Little bro, we’re twins you moron” Somebody rolled his eyes playfully “How did you find us?”

“Well if you remember correctly I’ve gotten my hands on a cute lil’ reporter boyfriend – turns out Grouchy’s work is pretty useful for when it comes to missing cases. I mentioned I hadn’t heard from you in weeks and we did some digging. He knows a couple of good sources of info and we eventually got someone to let slip a little location secret, after that we called your branch and they came to find you – just in time by the looks of it”

“I’ll say” Somebody grinned “Thank you Vanity – and give him my thanks too”

“Oh he hates thanks” Vanity winked “But I’ll tell him anyway”

The nurse returned at that point, waving Vanity away with a hand.

“Only one visitor at a time please, Mr. Somebody needs his rest”

“Ah, I’ll catch up with you later then” The twin blew a small kiss and placed Somebody’s key on the beside stand “I’ve got work in a couple hours anyway” And with that, he turned and left, leaving the other two alone.

“So … what now? Do you know what happened to Carlo and Tony?”

“Sì. The authorities took them in pretty quickly and since they still had evidence and witnesses on them I don’t-a think any judge will let them off with any less than a decent amount of time behind bars”

“And … you?”

“Well” Don rubbed the back of his neck with his good arm, looking embarrassed. “I don’t exactly have a clean slate but … since I cooperated and well, protected you I think your bosses would be willing to let me off with some month’s community service”

“And um” Somebody’s cheeks pinked a little “What about your … arrangements?”

“None, and I don’t think there’s anywhere in the city willing to board a criminal”

“Hm” Somebody’s lip twitched into a smirk as he pulled Don’s tie gently “I know one place in the city willing to”

“Sì?” Don purred flirtatiously “Even after everything I put-a you through?”

“Even after” The Englishman smiled, pressing a tender kiss to Don’s cheek. The other grinned, pulling Somebody’s face towards him and kissing him properly but gently, leaving room for his broken arm.

“No disappearing if I go to collect shopping this time though” Somebody joked as they pulled away.

“No, not that I could go far” Don laughed “Though erm, I might need somebody to help me dress and undress with this thing on, it’s a nuisance to button up shirts”

“I think you found Somebody” the agent smiled, tucking a lock of Don’s hair behind his ear. “It wouldn’t be the first time”

“It might not be the last”

Somebody laughed, and leant against Don’s good shoulder gently, breathing in the scent of fresh fruits and parchment he’d missed so much. The ex-don’s fingers strayed lightly over his forehead, soothing the headache just a little.

“Say, signore?”

“Yes, Donny?”

“How do you-a feel about getting a pet?”


End file.
